Ba

   I write whenever I need to channelize my emotions and clear my thoughts. Today it is really sad that my Baa passed away. And I am alone here in Germany. I don't know what should I do and how should I come out of this sorrow.. should I be strong and move on? Should I endure the pain and let it pass by itself? I don't know. But one thing I would definitely like to do is, cherish the memories which I have with her.

She was a gem of a person. [I just realized that I have to use "was" instead of "is".] One of the finest managers I have ever seen in my life. How she kept a family of more than 35-40 people together is phenomenal. A great source to learn how to earn respect and how to raise children. Good cook (love her magaj). Great devotee. Clever communicator. Above all a loving mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother.    

Let me remember her and some of the good memories that I have with her. There are lots of them. 

We used to live together when I was a child. There, she was my ultimate savior. Even if I am wrong she would take my side. Either it was about not going to school or eating food which I don't like. I would just go and hide behind her and that's it. My mother couldn't win. Done. 

At those times baa used to feed me lunch, I would take a bite and roam around the house till I am finished chewing that bite. Again I would run back to her get a bite and go on my house tour. It would take more than half an hour to make me eat my whole lunch. Sometimes even more if I don't like the shak my mom prepared. But she would seat there passionately and make sure that I eat my portion of the day.

In the evening sometimes we used to watch Mahabharat or Ramayan together. I would ask her silly questions like "where can I get all these fancy arrows that Rama has",  "why Ravana has 10 heads not more or less" or "what would the next episode be"  and she would reply with love and an intention to teach me something. She used to eat sev mamra while watching these shows and ask me "Ale khava che tare? Saras che ho" This sev mamra and evening nasto ritual stayed with her till a point where she could only eat two meals a day.

Then we moved to Rajkot. Ba moved to Navneet kaka's house. We used to visit her from time to time. Then also she would keep magaj in prasad for me. This custom continued till the last month when I visited her in India. I feel I am lucky enough that I could meet her in those days, just a week before she passed away. I was planning to visit India in the Christmas holidays, but my father told me to come earlier. And that proved to be lucky for me. When I was there I visited her every evening. We would just talk about what is going on, sometimes have a laugh about something,  and she would give me a lot of prasad to eat. In these times she was very ill, but she had a green "daabli" with her from where she would feed us prasad. Besides that, she had kept some banana chips and she would give one or two every day. Sweet.   

How can I forget traditions about prasad! Nobody can leave without having prasad from our house in Visavadar or here at Navneet kaka's place. Literally nobody. Even if they are visiting for less than a minute. "ubha ryo prasad leta jav. Emnam no javay." or "E (to my Aunt or Ruju) ane prasad api dyo, ane javu che".

Every year Diwali used to be a special time for us. The whole family used to gather in Visavadar for at least 3 days. There we would enjoy ourselves a lot. Baa would see us enjoying and she would get very happy, just like that. She used to give us all some money to buy clothes from there. Of course, we could get more fashionable clothes from Rajkot (being a city), but we used to enjoy shopping in Visavadar (our village) and I used to love those clothes. 

We all had so much respect for her. Baa told to do this- as in "Baa e kidhu". Those were the words enough to make any of the family members do otherwise, what he/she thought. A recent funny incident, last month when I was there, Shreya and Ruju (my sisters) did not want to go to a saptah place nearby despite being told (insisted) by their mothers. Baa was on the bed and she just said you should go! That's it. The very next moment both of them were wearing their chappals and Mumy and Chhaya aunty were laughing.    

She used to come to our house to stay for a month or so in summer. I used to enjoy that time a lot. In the morning she would do thakorji's seva. Sometimes I would join her and we would sing holy songs ("Dhols"). In the evening she would have sev mamra and I used to love those times. I did not have silly questions to ask, as I was grown up, but I would ask her about my grandfather or her life before my father was born. She would tell me how she managed those difficult times or how my grandfather made whatever fortune we have today. Again, the next day I would be ready with my questions, and she with her awesome, witty, and educative answers.

When I moved to Germany, I used to video call her once in a while. But at those times, I never knew what should I talk. That is because I have always been a really bad communicator over phones. I regrate this fact. (Many of you know, and also complain that I never call) So our conversation would only be about our well beings. But, as I told earlier, I was lucky enough to spend time and meet her in person every day for a month, just a week before her death. 

Thanks to my family members who took a lot of care of her, when she needed it. All of our family members were doing their part. Especially Navneet kaka and Chhaya Aunty. They both are just out of the world. I would like to congratulate Chhaya aunty's parents, who raised such a wonderful daughter. Thank you so much.

Today, we have lost a respectable, loving figure. But we silly humans can't go against God's will. Jevi Hari Iccha.On the one side, unfortunately, I have never seen my grandfather but I am so so fortunate that I had Baa in my life for almost 26 years. I cherish all the memories I wrote here and that I did not mention. Peace.

Bhagvan eni param atma ne shanti ape. 

Jay Shree Krushna.